so why don’t we go somewhere only we know?

The University of Guelph is a special place.  Most people just see a gorgeous campus with friendly staff and students situated in an equally beautiful city, with an equally friendly population.  But it’s much, much more than that.  It’s hard to put into words, but I know it’s something I’ll never find anywhere else, no matter how far I travel the globe.

I spent yesterday at a conference on campus, surrounded by fellow students and colleagues, but more specifically, surrounded by friends.  The enormity of the ramifications of me being done my undergrad didn’t sink in until the very end of the conference.  We stood in a circle, telling each other what we felt they would offer the world as we all moved forward, and in that moment it came crashing down upon me.  I was finished.  It was done.  No more classes, midterms, papers, exams, presentations, late-night study sessions, last minute paper writing, waking up early for course selection, anxiously awaiting the release of final grades, frantic planning and re-planning of future courses.  It was all done.

I’m not a person who cries often.  But yesterday, hearing the words of encouragement for me from these friends, I felt the unfamiliar welling of tears in my eyes.  I stared pointedly at my shoes, wringing my hands, trying to focus on anything but that moment.  It was no use, the moment was upon me, and the realization had sunk in – that was the end of my undergrad.

We finished the activity, had a very emotionally-charged cinnamon role hug (which, if you aren’t sure what that is, find out because it’s amazing), and began packing up our things.  I spoke with a few people, hugged many more, and tried to stretch out the last instants of my undergrad.  I finally made my way to my dear friend, and it was when I hugged her that it really hit home.  I had so much to say, but all the words disappeared with one hug.  I held on for a while longer, and then set out to take one final wander around campus.

Being a person whose life is constantly impacted by music, I turned on my iPod, put on shuffle, and put in my ear buds.  Somehow, the shuffle-music spirits had me covered and managed to string together the perfect songs for my walk across campus.

One of them was the one I’ve embedded up above.  While it’s a song most commonly associated with hard times, in this moment it meant something entirely different to me.  It fit everything so well.  I wandered around campus, which was relatively empty, given it’s right in the middle of exams.  I walked the routes I’d walked dozens of times before, stopped to take in the buildings and savour the very essence that is Guelph.

I walked across an empty land
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand
I felt the earth beneath my feet
Sat by the river, and it made me complete

The parallels between the song and my wandering did not end there.  As a result of some nasty weather this past week one of the many trees on campus had fallen over, rendering it essentially broken.  It was a symbol of change for me. It’s difficult to explain, but that tree sits in a very distinct place on campus, and its disturbance really impacted students, myself included.  No doubt if it were to be removed, its absence would be felt tangibly.  Over the last five years, I have come to really love this place.  I know in the years to come I’ll look back on my time here fondly, and probably search for any opportunity to return.

I came across a fallen tree
I felt the branches of it looking at me
Is this the place we used to love?
Is this the place that I’ve been dreaming of?

It was bittersweet, taking in the sights and sounds of campus one last time.  It felt like the end of an era on the one hand, but on the other it felt like the company of an old friend.  Guelph really is special.  If you haven’t experienced it, then you can’t really understand it.  It’s something only we understand.  It’s somewhere only we know.

And if you have a minute, why don’t we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don’t we go
Somewhere only we know?

In a conversation after I’d finished my wander around campus, my dear friend responded to my mess of emotions:

That’s what Guelph does to you, it’s a powerful thing.

I know that in the years to come I’ll stay in touch with many of the friends I’ve made here.  I’ll see them go out and change the world, have profound and significant impacts upon countless others, and grow as individuals and people.  As clichéd as it sounds, despite how far we may go, how successful we may be, or how significantly we change, we’ll always have Guelph.  It will always be that indescribable ‘thing’ that is Guelph that only we know about.  It’s that somewhere only we know.

grow and grow till tall

I want to admit something.  I didn’t want to go to university.

Attending university was just an assumption for me, as it was for many of my friends, and many of their friends.  It was, and still is considered the logical next step from high school.  It’s the natural answer to “what’s next?” when you’re in grade 12.  But I didn’t want to go.

I didn’t feel ready.  I didn’t know what I wanted to do, or what to study.  I didn’t know if I was ready to move away from home, or commit to a commuting lifestyle.  I didn’t know if I could afford it.  I didn’t know if I could do it.  I just didn’t know.

But I went anyway.  My friends were going, my parents were supporting me to go, and society’s norms were screaming at me to go.  So I went.

And now I’m done.  Well, save for one last presentation.  But for all intents and purposes, I’m done.

I spent five years here at Guelph completing my degree.  There were ups and downs, friendships made, friendships lost, good decisions, bad decisions, great memories and not-so great memories.  I was your typical student.  I am graduating with student loans that will rule my life for a few years.  I did well enough in my classes to stay away from academic probation, but I wasn’t winning any awards for my grades.  I griped and whined about textbook costs, fell asleep in class, pulled some all-nighters, made the library my true habitat around midterms and exams, maintained a fairly terrible diet of fast-food and cheap groceries.  I was a fairly average student.

But the people I met along my journey through my undergrad were far from ordinary.  And the impact they had on me is far from average.  I met individuals who are going to run companies, make ground-breaking discoveries, change the status quo of society, save the environment, help others through crises, and change the world.  I’m sure of it.

And it is those people who have convinced me that the decision to come to university when I did was a wise one.  It is them I owe a massive amount of gratitude, for without them I would have surely dropped out and be quietly lost in my own head, lamenting my lack of direction in life.  It is them that has made today, my day of realizing I’m really done my undergrad, difficult.  It is them that I will remember of my time here.  There are so many individuals who have had an impact on me during my time here, and I no doubt would forget some if I tried to name them all, so I won’t even attempt to give a comprehensive list.

There are, however, a few I wish to note.

• T, who taught me that appreciating where you came from, can lead you where you’re going.  I’ll admit I didn’t foresee our friendship lasting past first year, and yet here we are, having bonded over Europe, good food, and good music.  From rants about anything and everything, to the stats miracle of ’09, to sharing of music, to blogging, to Champions League footy feasts, to editing papers at the wee hours of the morning, to writing midterms in a severely hung-over state, we’ve had quite the conglomeration of memories.  Thank you for it all.
• E, Ms. President.  While your ridiculous schedule of meetings, work, and classes kept you busy pretty much throughout your undergraduate career, I’m lucky to have carved out a few moments here and there with you.   You’re just one of those people that I see going out and changing the world, but on your own terms of course.  I don’t know what you’ll go on to do with your life post-Guelph (whenever that may be), but whatever it is, I know you’ll do it with integrity and passion.  I respect all that you have done for students, and the school, but most importantly, I respect you for you.  I am truly a better person for having met you.  Thank you, for showing me what a true leader is, and of course teaching me the finer art of sassy ranting.
• S.  Your bravery and courage inspires me.  To see you stand up for what is right, even when it flies in the face of “popular” opinion and ends with less-than-positive personal attacks against you, reminded me of the importance of integrity.  You were kind to me, guided me when I was lost, and made me see that perhaps I really am passionate about something in life.  Thank you.
• J, who taught me the importance of trying.  While I only met you last year, and really only got to know you during the beginning of this school year, your impact was not any less significant.  Your words and support mean more to me than you’ll perhaps ever know.   You took the time to get to know me, when you had so many other things to be doing, and encouraged me to go out and try for things.  While those things didn’t work out, just to have someone believing in you can make all the difference, and I’m a better person for having tried.  Thank you.
• To B and W, who are always around with a hug for me.  Your shenanigans and bickering served to bolster my severely dampened spirits on bad days.  Thanks.
• And to L.  While it (somehow) took us a while to become friends, I am ever so glad that we did.  Your advice, hugs and uncanny ability to make sense of my jumbled thoughts has been invaluable to me these past few years.  You’ve been there through my ups and downs, and ranted with me about when life threw me curveballs.  You knocked sense into my head when I needed it, and let me do stupid things when I just had to do something completely inadvisable.  Thank you for being there for me, and for caring enough to scold me, but giving me a hug while doing so.  And once again, iwillkillyouifyoucutmeoutofyourlifesofreakingdontdoit.

My time at Guelph has been amazing, and that is all due to the people I surrounded myself with.  I am lucky to have met you, and I hope that our friendships continue for many years.  You’ve all made me a better person, and have shared important lessons with me.  It means so much to me that you would take the time to spend time with me.  I am who I am today, and I am who I will become because of you.  Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

-b.

for your musical taste:
artist: jónsi
song title: around us

got no time, got no mind

 

Education is not the same as learning facts, figures and theories.

This concept has been floating around in my head for a while now.  Perhaps it’s the result of my final semester speeding past me at an alarming rate, or the result of my Chinese Philosophy class in which we’re discussing how wisdom is not akin to knowledge.  Either way, it’s an important distinction.  In my experience, universities are no longer educational institutions, but businesses.  They shepherd students from class to class, exam to exam, year to year, degree to degree.  Take your money, and give you your piece of paper.  But what do the students actually learn?  What is it I have learned over these past 4.5 years?  Fifty years from now, what will I remember having learned here?  Is it worth thousands of dollars?

The easy answer is the one that’s been told to us seemingly forever: if you want a career, want to be successful, you need a degree.  And for a long while, it was true.  But the market has changed, and youth unemployment rates have turned the very expensive undergraduate degree into a very expensive segue into the restaurant business.  That’s the easy answer, but the answer isn’t what I’m concerned with.  It’s the questions that I wonder about.

They say university is the best four years of your life.  They say a degree is a good investment for your future, for your career.  While many students would agree with the former, the latter is one many would take issue with, given this muddied job market.  University is expensive.  But what kind of value for your money are you getting with a university “education”?

What do you learn in university?  What entails a “university education”?

Taking myself as an example, I thought about it.  I’m a psychology major, philosophy minor.  I go to class, do my assignments, study for exams, and do relatively well.  What have I learned in my classes?  I’ve learned concepts in psychology, like Pavlovian conditioning, observational learning, the structure of the brain, the function of a neuron, and how terribly wrong Freud was.  I’ve learned concepts in philosophy, like logical fallacies, argument structures, and how exactly to read philosophy.  Elective courses have taught me about the universe, criminological theory, the significance of music in popular culture, and the history of jazz.  Do I recall facts and figures and details?  Nope, and probably never will.  Do I remember broad themes and overarching ideas?  Some, but admittedly few that apply in ‘real life’.

So, specifically, I paid thousands of dollars per semester to learn, memorize, and recall concepts all in a matter of 12 weeks?  And repeated this process several times over?  Given that my job prospects post-university are far from glorious, was that money well spent?  If I remember relatively little from my “education” is it really worth it?

I discussed the importance of understanding the actual definition and meaning of words in a previous entry.  That fact is very much still true.  What, precisely, is an “education” supposed to be?  Well wouldn’t you know it, I looked it up.

Education: The culture or development of personal knowledge or understanding, growth of character, moral and social qualities, etc., as contrasted with the imparting of knowledge or skill

Education is not the same as learning facts, figures and theories.  Education is supposed to be about forming your own character and identity, figuring out what’s important to you morally, intellectually, socially.  It’s supposed to be about more than textbooks.  And I saw glimpses of this during my undergrad.  A first year seminar about Greek tragedies where I learned more about myself than anything else.  A third year class about sport for development where my perspectives changed and my opinions and core values shifted.  A second year class on ethics where the readings really made me think about myself as an individual, as a person, as a member of society.

My extra-curricular activities taught me more than anything I ever learned in a classroom, and those are realistically things I could have learned through volunteering elsewhere.  My dad has always said that a university education isn’t about the facts and figures, it’s about learning to learn.  And I agree totally.  It’s about learning about how you learn, how you develop your strengths, how you are as a person.  But I think universities are falling short of this goal.  Don’t get me wrong, I have loved my time here.  I’ve met friends I hope to last a lifetime.  I’ve had experiences I hope to tell others about in stories, years from now.  And in those extracurriculars and glimpses, I’ve learned about my character, my values, and myself as a person.  But the university “education” I’ve received has focused heavily on theories, facts, and figures.  What the university has provided me with has not been an education at all, but a learning of facts, figures and theories.

I know many would question and argue with my take on “education”.  I welcome you to do so, this is merely my opinion.  I choose to believe that for the thousands of dollars I’ve spent, I expect more than a piece of paper.  The way I see it, a university “education” is like going grocery shopping but not keeping any of the food.  You get the receipt, proving you paid and completed your shopping, but you don’t get to keep anything you’ve picked up along the way.

Maybe it stems from bitterness of not knowing what my next step is.  Maybe it stems from the frustration that accompanies built up debt with job prospects looking terribly few and far between.  Maybe it’s naïvety.  Whatever it is, I’d like to know what exactly happened to “education”, and where I can get some.

for your musical taste:
artist: alexi murdoch
song title: blue mind

the whole world is moving and i’m standing still

You know those scenes in movies and TV shows where the character stands in one spot, and everything else around them is going by twice as fast?  Where the world swirls around them as they stay rooted to one spot?  Where life passes the crystal clear character by in a blur of motion?  Well, if I was on a TV show, or in a movie, my character would definitely be the focus of one of those scenes.

Final semester of my undergraduate degree, and having made the decision to not pursue a Masters program, it is very likely the final semester of my schooling.  It’s dizzying to think that I’ve spent all these years in school, all these months, weeks, days, hours dedicated to learning and developing, and now I’m deemed “ready” to be a part of the workforce, to be a part of society.  I look at my friends who’ve already graduated and are trying to make their way in the world, and those who are engaged, getting married, having kids, settling into full-time jobs.  I won’t pretend that everyone else knows what they want to do; I won’t claim that this confusion and anxiety over the future is unique to me, because I know it isn’t.  There are countless others who are asking the same questions I am, wondering the same things I am, and feeling those same feelings that I’m experiencing.  But it doesn’t change that it’s an overwhelming sensation of “I’m not sure I’m ready for this”, and “when did I grow up?” in one.

As much as I really wish my life was a TV show and I could hit pause, to give myself a second to breathe and figure some things out, it isn’t.  The world doesn’t stop.

Job lined up or not, the world spins madly on.

Life’s passion figured out or not, the world spins madly on.

Ready to face the world or not, the world spins madly on.

Life blurs by as I stutter and stumble over the question of “so… what’s next for you?”  The world keeps moving as I stand in one spot trying to grab a hold of something, anything to ground me, to give me a sense of calm, to let me make sense of the blurred reality.

They say that university is the best four (five) years of your life.  They tell you this to make you capture those moments and memories, to seize opportunities, to embrace your passions in life, to make the most of what you’ve got.  They say to enjoy your freedom before real life grabs you.  Why is it then, that we’re all so worried about not being grabbed by real life?  As much as we don’t want to let go of our time here, we’re more scared we won’t get grabbed by anything else – that we won’t be able to move onto and into reality.

I wrote a few months ago about how restless I’d become.  That hasn’t changed.  I’m still aching to sort it out and move about.  What has changed is my perception of the world.  It’s not still, or stagnant, or static. It’s dynamic, it’s spinning, it’s moving, it’s blurring by.  And that’s, I think, where my restlessness comes from.  I’m standing still, while the whole world keeps moving.  I’m rooted to the spot while the world spins madly on.  I’m in slow motion as life passes by twice as fast.

Did I enjoy my time here in university? Yep.  Do I know what comes next? Nope.  Am I prepared for the next step? I’m not sure.

The way I see it, I think it’s time to solve that restlessness.  It’s time to constantly be moving.  It’s time to hit the ground running, and never stop.  It’s time to start living, and stop trying to grab a hold of life.  It’s time to move as the world moves.  It’s time to spin madly along with the world.

for your musical taste:
artist: the weepies
song title: world spins madly on

speak louder than the words before you

2012. The year the world was supposed to end. The year movies have been made about.

Well, the world didn’t end, and Jake Gyllenhaal didn’t save a group of people in New York from a disastrous snow-pocalypse. Nevertheless, it was an eventful year for me, I…

• entered my final year of my undergrad
• made some new friends and rekindled some old friendships
• learned some hard lessons, and told some hard truths
• learned what an 18hr working/volunteering day feels like
• drove a pickup truck for the first time
• boogied in October
• achieved my highest semester average
• saw my nephew grow to be an adorable toddler
• interned at the Olympics
• assumed head coaching duties of a footy team
• added another Dachshund into my home and heart
• visited Europe for the first time
• saw my friends experience highs and lows I never thought I’d see
• saw my plans for the future crumble and revert back to the brainstorming stage
• saw a friend succeed where I had failed
• watched some of my friends stumble through the beginnings of their new stage of life, and watched others gracefully make their entrance
• gathered more proof that movies are never better than the books
• gained a love for criminal minds… the show that is
• finished living 22 years
• watched Chelsea finally win the Champions League, and 6 months later fire their manager
• expanded my musical horizons even further
• embraced the Twitter
• witnessed the abysmal season that belonged to TFC
• painted the Cannon for the first time
• attended my first trivia night
• drove a golf cart for the first time

Of course, that’s but a mere sample of the things that occurred over the past year.  The bottom line is, as every year of my life has seen, this past year had ups, downs, sideways curveballs, knuckleballs, backwards, and any other you can think of.  There were fights, reconciliations, gained friends, lost friends, new places explored, scary and unfamiliar things, comfortable and familiar things, and indescribable things.  If 2013 is half as filled with such experiences as 2012 was, I’m in for a roller coaster ride indeed.  But that’s okay with me.  That’s the way it goes after all.

To risk sounding cliche (as if the rest of this wasn’t already reaching that standard…), here’s to 2013 bringing challenges, successes, and failures to you all.  We live, we learn.

for your musical taste:
artist: ian axel (a great big world)
song title: this is the new year

all the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on

 

If you have any level of exposure to me as a person, you’ve likely gathered I’m a rather… deep thinker.  I’m not talking about solving scientific mysteries, or even managing an understanding of the ever frustrating and seemingly spiral-shaped writings of Heidegger or Hegel.  No, it’s more of a ‘think deeply about everyday things’ sort of deal.  This blog is proof enough that for me the minutest or completely innocuous things can trigger a line of thinking.  I think for most people it’s this way – I just don’t stop the thought process, instead letting it wander about.  In all honesty, this is likely a key reason for my insomnia (and if we’re being strictly honest, the posting of this very entry!), and my procrastination tendencies.  Nevertheless, for me at least, it’s a very important part of who I am.  I don’t foresee it changing, nor do I really see a need to.

Along with this deep thinking comes a constant need for self-learning.  After all, one of our greatest aims is to understand ourselves.  I’m a firm believer that learning about yourself is best done by learning from others.  There are many who would find fault in this line of thinking, and I’m sure they have compelling arguments, but it’s just the way I see it.  This need to learn about myself by learning from others is what ultimately led me to this entry.  I’m a big fan of the TV show Criminal Minds – not because of its authenticity (we all know how “accurate” TV show portrayals are, after all) or the story lines (which admittedly for all their seemed originality, have become repetitive), perhaps partially for the characters (I admit I identify with one Emily Prentiss), but mostly there is this unexplainable depth to the show.  Part of this depth stems (at least in my view) from the leading and closing quotes that are heard in nearly every episode.

These quotes are chosen carefully, no doubt, by the writers in an effort to give something more to the episode.  For me, they always do.  Always.  After hearing, and consequently pondering a particularly thought-provoking quote (see below) from an episode, I remembered there was a ‘Favourite Quotations’ section of my Facebook profile.  Insomnia led to me not sleeping anyway, and going against pretty much all the recommended methods for finding sleep, I logged onto my computer, turned on some tunes, and began my quotes search.

I’ve always heard every ending is also a new beginning, we just don’t know it at the time.  I’d like to believe that’s true.
– Emily Prentiss (Criminal Minds)

Scrolling through hundreds of quotes on dozens of topics for two hours left me with a collection of quotes that I felt represented me – more accurately, represented things I believe that caused me to learn things about myself (or will in the future).  Contributors to this list include authors, psychologists, philosophers, and fictional characters.  Many were quotes I’d heard before, some were new to me.  Overwhelmingly though, these particular quotes all made me pause and re-read them.  They made me close my eyes and let their meaning wash over me.

I learned a lot about myself through this quote searching.

I learned I’m a rather pessimistic optimist.

“Be kind; everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”
– John Watson

“Man is the only animal for whom his own existence is a problem which he has to solve.”
– Erich Fromm

“All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves. We must die to one life before we can enter another”
– Anatole  France

I learned that my exposure to philosophy and psychology have had a significant impact on how I view the world.

“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.”
– Lao Tzu

“No mortal can keep a secret.  If his lips are silent, he chatters with his fingertips; betrayal oozes out of him at every pore.”
– Sigmund Freud

“Man is nothing else but what he makes of himself.”
– Jean-Paul Sartre

I learned that my current life stage and its associated conflicts are dictating where a lot of my attention is directed.

“All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on.”
– Henry Ellis

“The key question to keep asking is, ‘Are you spending your time on the right things?’ because time is all you have.”
– Randy Pausch (The Last Lecture)

“Better to write for yourself and have no public than to write for the public and have no self.”
– Cyril Connolly

“A photograph is a secret about a secret.  The more it tells you, the less you know.”
– Diane Arbus

I learned how important I think education is.

“Wit is educated insolence.”
–Aristotle

“You may leave school, but it never leaves you.”
– Andy Partridge

I learned how fascinating the concept of an identity, whether true or false, is to me.

“He who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster.  And when you gaze long into an abyss the abyss also gazes into you.”
–Friedrich Nietzsche

“We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful what we pretend to be.”
– Kurt Vonnegut (Mother Night)

“Man is least himself when he talks in his own person.  Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.”
– Oscar Wilde

“People will believe a big lie sooner than a little one, and if you repeat it frequently enough, people will sooner or later believe it.”
– Walter Langer

Yes, I realized quite a few things about myself in this small journey.  Is this all I learned?  Of course not – for every quote here, there are 5 more I found that taught me something.  And for every quote I find, there are dozens more, hundreds even, out there waiting for me to find them and learn about me, from them.

I suppose it only makes sense for me, an individual who hears and sees meaning between lines in a song, to find the same in quotes.  You may not be largely into music, or have an appreciation for anything more than a pleasing sound and steady beat (and I don’t judge you on this – we are all entitled to our own opinions and feelings!), but I do implore you to do some soul searching via quotations.  There are hundreds of websites devoted to collecting quotations.  Take some time out of your day, and try to find some that resonate with you.  Try to find some that just make you re-read them, or scroll back up to them after reading dozens more.  Try to find some that spark something in you, even if you can’t quite identify what that ‘something’ is.  Collect them in a list, and then re-read them.  You’ll be surprised what you learn about yourself in the process.

As for the song, though not in English, it seemed to fit with some of the realizations I had.  And it’s a song that always makes me stop and close my eyes and let whatever thought it rattling around in my mind finish its course.  This quality made it an obvious choice for my quote-finding journey.  And to bring it all back home to the original inspiration – it was also used in Criminal Minds (albeit a very small part of it).

for your musical taste:
artist: jónsi
song title: kolniður

and the thousands of stars come out thousands of times

If I’ve learned nothing else from my philosophy classes, I’ve learned that properly defining terms is paramount to understanding and crafting arguments.  A recent philosophy class encouraged me to look up definitions to words I assumed I had a thorough understanding of, words which I flitted my eyes past quickly, letting my brain fill in the gaps with what I thought it meant.  It is this exercise which has led me to take the risk of sounding like a completely terrible and utterly cliché high school English essay, and starting off this entry with a definition.

Courage

That quality of mind which shows itself in facing danger without fear or shrinking; bravery, boldness, valour (the Oxford-English dictionary)

Mental or moral strength to venture, persevere, and withstand danger, fear, or difficulty (Merriam-Webster dictionary)

Now that we’ve got that out of the way, let’s start in on the meat and potatoes of the issue buzzing around in my mind.

Courage comes in many forms.  Running into a burning building to save a stranger, diving in front of a bullet to save a friend, questioning the status quo or rocking the boat, stepping up when no one else will, taking a stand when people are being taken advantage of or abused, doing something even though everyone is telling you it’s ‘not the right choice’, trying something new when everyone is sticking to the known and familiar, standing up to a bully or wrongful person, doing something for you rather than for others, saying no when you only ever say yes, saying yes when you only ever say no, telling someone how you really feel.  I could go on and on and on.  There are seemingly infinite examples.  But you’ll notice the scopes of these are vastly different from each one to the next.  They range from the stereotypical dramatic courageousness of a firefighter, to the personal courage of someone confronting their own fears.

I don’t generally see myself as a courageous person.  I’m a ‘play-it-safe’ and ‘weigh-my-options-carefully’ kind of gal.  But I have the pleasure of knowing many individuals who are full of courage in their own ways, and they inspire me every day to try and show a little courage myself.  It is one of these friends who warmed my heart the other day, and was ultimately the inspiration for this entry.

It was a nothing conversation.  We hadn’t seen each other in a month or so, and realistically, we weren’t even that close – we’d only known each other for a few months.  But spending far more time that I care to admit in the wee hours of the morning, laughing about everything and nothing at all because of a lack of sleep somehow led to a bond.  Happenstance meetings sporadically through the semester buoyed this friendship.  But this one ostensibly inconsequential conversation stuck with me.

Something about them drew me in and led to me revealing something of a secret when they asked a seemingly innocuous question.  I hadn’t expected to reveal it, and I certainly hadn’t expected to hear a secret in return.  And this secret, while far from Earth-shattering, was a brave admission on their part.  It bucked against the societal norms expected of us as university students.  It threw expectations out the window and embraced chance, possibility and passion.  In that moment, in what was ultimately conveyed in less than 10 words, I was shocked and impressed by their courage.

These small moments of inspiration are what should fill people’s days.  And if you look for them, they’re there.  That I firmly believe.  Small admissions like this are representative of a courage that is often overlooked.  We all have personal battles, whether they be emotional, psychological, physical, real or imagined.  Facing these, with or without support, is courageous.

I said up there that I don’t consider myself a courageous person, but that doesn’t mean I’m not trying.  For me, admitting my secret to this quasi-friend/quasi-acquaintance was a big step. A courageous step, I think.  This person, without knowing it, has renewed in me a sense of courage.  They have given me a renewed inspiration to try and be courageous and sort some stuff out.  And all from a nothing conversation that started with a ‘hey, how are you?’ and didn’t go on much longer from there.  So a heartfelt thanks are in order for this person, even though I’m 99.99999999999% sure they won’t read this entry.  They are brave and courageous beyond what they know, and they deserve to hear it and believe it.

My friends, I have witnessed bravery and courage from you these past few days, weeks, months, and years that I’ve known you.  It is no small accomplishment what you have overcome – whether it be a fear of heights, a paralyzing self-doubt, a crippling mental illness, trepidation about the future, admitting feelings, or anything and everything in between and beyond.  Know that I am proud of you, and derive inspiration and support from these accomplishments and acts of courage, whether small or large.

For the musical accompaniment to this entry, I scrolled for about an hour through my iTunes library.  I finally settled on this song because of the hopeful feel, and the apt applicability of the lyrics.  It’s one of those songs that I enjoy listening to with headphones in, outside in a hammock, alternately watching the stars and closing my eyes.  I implore you to at least take a few minutes and let it sink in.  It’s a truly beautiful tune.

for your musical taste:
artist: angels & airwaves
song title: call to arms